Equally inept Joe Wilkinson beat him in the cook off, so Woody was toast... which he’d probably burn. Too many great shows were blanked. Where were After Life, Kate & Koji, and Des? Or strong imports, like retro-treat Cobra Kai and Cate Blanchett’s Mrs America? Blanchett was stunning. Casualty won, suggesting there’s a stealth award for just hanging in there. Diversity’s victory was, ahem, assisted by keeping heavyweight rival contenders out of the running. Random irritations. Adding ‘gate’ to any scandal. Give it a rest, it’s 50years since Watergate. BBC assuming we’ve all 5.1 surround sound. Football Focus politics. BOBBY Davro has developed a darts player’s physique on Proper Comedians. Or perhaps he’s just eaten a darts player. Or an oil drum. A woman asked if Bob has got an over-active thyroid. No, just an over-active knife and fork. Meanwhile second killer Andy scarpered into Sherwood Forest, which in real life is teeming with doggers these days. Less Merrie Men, more murky ones.

Bushell Garry Bushell

JUST 22per cent of a Greggs sausage roll is protein, according to C5 doc Inside Greggs, but it’s still ten times meatier than Yesterday, Today & The Day Before. OUT of all the contestants on last weekend’s “celebrity” shows, I only recognised two faces – and one of them was my postman. It’s pretty dull, unless you get off on watching civil servant Sharon give PE teacher Hugo’s lug-hole more tongue than a giraffe porn special. COOKING With The Stars boils the blood. Most of them aren’t stars, are they? Just people you may have glimpsed on TV.Halo is all-action comic-book sci-fi inspired by a video game. The Offer dramatizes the making of The Godfather – an offer you can’t refuse.

Garry Bushell Garry Bushell

July 4. SHANNON Singh was the first one out of Love Island. A shame. Shannon likes sex “eight times a day”, so for close friends it must have made a nice change to see her standing up. ON Roast Battle, Brennan Reece told Kiri Pritchard-McLean her privates looked like “Chewbacca with a cleft palate”. Rude yes, but refreshingly un-PC. ITV found a (baffling) winning formula with The Masked Singer and now they’re flogging it to death. The big blow was losing Richard Madeley, who’d already gone head-first down a chute and survived an evil bombardment of fish guts and offal without whimpering. JANINE should take over the Vic. That tongue of hers is so forked she could use it to open wine bottles.Random irritations: Sky History teasing us with William Shatner Meets Ancient Aliens – he didn’t, just fantasists, liars and cranks. Loki’s underwhelming series finale. Clueless clots are the show’s highlight. Divs who want five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a snooker room, a jacuzzi, a balcony and a view of the Med, and, when asked “What’s your budget?”, reply with a straight face: “10,000 Euros”. I exaggerate only slightly. Separated at birth: Sam Vimes and Jamie Vardy? One the hard-drinking leader of a bunch of misfits and underdogs. The other is in The Watch... My problem with James is he just isn’t funny enough to fill the shoes of Craig Ferguson, Leno, Letterman and Conan. I LIKE Adele, but she’s no Billy Connolly, is she? I jest. The girl from Tottenham is likeable, down-to-earth and a huge talent. She deserves her success.

Benny’s 1970s shows, repeated on That’s Xmas, have generated a tsunami of humbug. He’s been called “sexist”, even though blokes were the losers in his sketches, and “unfashionable” – heaven forbid! JESSE Armstrong’s brilliantly savage drama Succession revolves around Logan Roy, the self-made founder of global media company Waystar Royco, and his fiercely competitive/hateful kids. A WOMAN on Unbeatable hadn’t heard of Francis Drake’s ship The Golden Hind. Worse, she had a history degree! Unbeatable? Unbelievable.

Talitha seems as guilty as hell, but then we’re meant to think that... Tracy Ifeachor sparkles as her brief, Chloe, who has more class in her little finger than her client has in her entire body. British humour once spanned everything from mainstream masterpieces to eccentric genius. Now it’s lame, tame and terrified of causing spurious “offence”. Random irritations: Chloe’s voice on Love Island. Josh Jones. Tattoos being TV’s latest lazy go-to bad-guy indicator – the inkist bastards. Saturday night “entertainment”. HOT on TV: Jonny Bairstow’s century... Our Falklands War... Emma Appleton... Elvis: The Rebirth Of The King (BBC4).