Hard to Bear: Investigating the science and silence of miscarriage

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There is often confusion over the words bear and bare. This confusion arises because, knowing a bear is a large mammal (e.g., a brown bear), writers feel uncomfortable using bear in its other meanings. In fact, the word bear is a very versatile word. Here are common expressions with bear: If you can never remember whether to write bear with me or bare with me; if you can’t tell the difference between I can’t bear it or I can’t bare it, then you’re not alone. Is it too much to bear or bare? Too much to bear means something one cannot endure because it is excessive. Too much to bare is a common mistake based on the homophones bare and bear.

Note: The term to bear fruit uses bear not bare. (This term is often mistakely written as to bare fruit.) It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one's enemies. It is the successes of one's friends that are hard to bear. (Oscar Wilde) FOR TODAY’s sermon I have selected this wonderful essay by Jerome K. Jerome from 1886. Its title is “On being hard up”, and in it he reflects on petty miseries of being skint.In these cases, it’s helpful to create some kind of mnemonic or tool to help you remember when to use which word. There are many burning questions and few satisfactory answers surrounding the search for adequate pregnancy-loss support – a gap this book aims to bridge with scientific fact and empathic compassion. Readers who have experienced poor healthcare in the context of pregnancy loss will be infuriated – but not surprised – by the systemic issues uncovered by the author’s research. Aptly titled, Hard to Bear may be emotionally triggering to the same demographic it is most likely to benefit. However, as evidenced by the author’s dedication to the cause, perseverance can lead to positive outcomes, and this book does end on an optimistic note. Too much to bear vs. Too much to bare: Remember that bear means to carry or endure as a verb, so substitute too much to endure in your mind when want to use this phrase as a reminder to use bear instead of bare. To bear means to support or carry or endure (physically and figuratively). Who can carry heavy things and endure long stretches of extreme weather without food? Bears. It is wonderful what an insight into domestic economy being really hard up gives one. If you want to find out the value of money, live on 15 shillings a week and see how much you can put by for clothes and recreation. You will find out that it is worth while to wait for the farthing change, that it is worth while to walk a mile to save a penny, that a glass of beer is a luxury to be indulged in only at rare intervals, and that a collar can be worn for four days.

Bear and bare are homophones: words that sound the same but mean different things and are spelled differently. Most people don’t have a problem using these words when speaking, but writing them down creates a new set of problems. From the many physical causes of miscarriage, to the socioeconomic, environmental and behavioural factors impacting women’s experiences of pregnancy loss, Oderberg focuses on an Australian context without neglecting alternative statistics and perspectives. To bare means to uncover or expose (think to bare all). Most of the time, you won’t be telling anyone to bare with you (unless, of course, you want them to remove their clothes with you), or saying that you can’t bare it (can’t expose what?). Bare means to expose something. A wolf might bare its teeth in a threatening display, for instance, or a man might bare his chest when he goes swimming.The correct word in this instance is bear: I can’t bear it, or bear with me. But how can you remember that? Hard to Bear is a work of witness, advocacy and hope. It originates from Isabelle Oderberg’s experience of being told by an obstetrician, during her sixth miscarriage, that if women were better educated about pregnancy loss, she “wouldn’t be crying about it”. Bleeding and cramping as the doctor waves aside her grief, Oderberg still finds a gift in his dismissal – a fervent and furious flame: “the desire to write this book”. Oderberg begins with her own history, because she can write about her own experience directly and ethically. Her reproductive history creates a narrative line through Hard to Bear, extending outwards like a cantilever to provide space for the vast chorus of other voices she assembles. Her frank account continually expands to include other observations, many of them counterpointing or offering a different angle from her own. I can speak with authority on the subject of being hard up. I have been a provincial actor. If further evidence be required, which I do not think likely, I can add that I have been a “gentleman connected with the press.” I have lived on 15 shilling a week. I have lived a week on 10, owing the other 5; and I have lived for a fortnight on a great-coat.