Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love

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Wisdom I Went On 8 Dates With My Boyfriend Based On a Relationship Expert’s Advice. Here’s What Happened. The Gregorian calendar is the most prevalently used calendar today. Within this calendar, a standard year consists of 365 days with a leap day being introduced to the month of February during a leap year. The months of April, June, September, and November have 30 days, while the rest have 31 days except for February, which has 28 days in a standard year, and 29 in a leap year.

Would you be interested if I told you that eight dates would forever change your relationship? Or that, if you and your partner had these eight life-changing conversations, you would significantly strengthen and deepen your love? A holiday is a day that, either by custom or by law, is set aside such that regular activities like going to work or school are suspended, or at least reduced. The term "holiday" can be interpreted differently, depending on the region. In the U.S., paid leave is typically referred to as "vacation," while national, religious, or cultural days off are referred to exclusively as "holiday." In some regions, however, such as the United Kingdom or former British colonies, the term holiday can also refer to paid leave. It's strange to me that our culture supposedly values marriage and family but yet spends very little time teaching people on how to survive those things. That, despite challenges, love and joy are inevitable when there's evidence all around us that it is regularly a source of struggle and dissatisfaction in people's lives.

I was expecting good things from Eight Dates, and boy did it deliver. The book is divided into eight sections, one for each date. The dates cover eight of the most meaningful, important, and, often, contentious topics that couples deal with: trust and commitment, conflict, sex, money, family, fun and adventure, growth and spirituality, and dreams. Before the dates are introduced, an intro gives characteristics of successful marriages, as well as advice on how to have an intimate conversation and how to listen. More importantly, we realized that we’ll never stop learning about one another, and we look forward to sharing more about our family histories, spiritual beliefs, financial practices, and yes, sexual preferences. Every person has a dream or life purpose, and it should never be sacrificed for the relationship. It’s possible for both people to achieve their dreams, just typically not at the same time. Six months after we started dating, he agreed to attend a couples workshop by The Gottman Institute called The Art and Science of Love. Two years later, he helped me pilot an event I created called Couples Day, a cell phone-free day of activities designed to help partners connect. JOHN GOTTMAN, PHD, is the bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and numerous acclaimed books. His breakthrough work has won him four National Institute of Mental Health Research Science Awards, and he is a frequent guest on national media. He also co-founded the Gottman Institute with his wife, Julie.

What we learned:It was fun to laugh and reminisce over photos and reflect on how we’ve grown up together over the last four years. I think this date will vary greatly for each couple depending on how religious or spiritual they are. One revelation was how much weekly Shabbat dinners meant to me growing up, and how I’d like to recreate that ritual in our future family. Arguments about the unpaid work in a relationship (chores and childcare) tend to cause the most conflict. What we learned:The exercise led to a great insight about how we approach keeping the house clean. I tend to let the house turn into a disaster zone over several days, and then clean up all at once, during a podcast-fueled spree. Scott explained that when I let the house get messy, he feels like I’m saying that I think my time is more valuable than his. I understood his perspective and committed to taking the time to tidy up daily, so that Scott doesn’t have to forge a path to the bathroom through piles of shoes and books. They said when couples are considering marriage, they are often so fond of each other that they assume the other person wants the same things in life as they do. Their optimism convinces them there’s no reason to talk explicitly about decisions like where to live or if they want children. Unfortunately, by the time they discover their incompatibility on some of these fundamental values, they’re already married. It’s important for couples to share their dreams with each other. Keeping your dreams from your partner leads to bitterness, resentment, loss of passion and desire, and distance.

But the fact is, men can understand women to their great benefit. All they need is the right teacher. My partner and I read this book over a series of date nights starting in March 2020, and ending on New Years 2021. We took it slow, read the book carefully, and meaningfully asked and answered each of the questions, and having discussions about each date, our family history, and what we felt and thought about each idea and topic as they came up. This was a lot of fun for us. It allowed us to grow and get to know each other better, gave us good tips and information on how to interact with each other to reduce conflict and increase understanding, and made for some good quality time together; this is now a regular thing, and we will continue to read books together over the next year and maybe beyond. They do embrace a wide range of definitions for family and spirituality along with other topics. I was very happy to see in the family section to see that not having kids was seen as a valid life option and one to be upfront about. Also in there section on spirituality, they do not use religion and spirituality interchangeably but allow for a personal definition of spirituality to be developed. I think this book is an amazing way to date intentionally. One of my friends who I showed the book to said the book was just like couples therapy, which they were going through at the time with their partner. This book is going to be lengthy and deep like therapy - it takes weeks and months to finish the book together, and each of the 8 topics can be hours of conversation. Eight Datesprovides an excellent framework to help couples have these easy-to-avoid but crucial conversations.

There is SO MUCH interesting info in this book! I know not everyone is going to froth at the mouth over learning how couples interact with each other, but I seriously couldn’t get enough. It’s all so interesting to me, discovering what is “normal” and what actually creates a lasting connection, especially when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I expected. Some of my favorite insights: What we learned:We’d both let fun move to the bottom of our to-do list. We’re focused on our careers right now, and had forgotten the importance of doing things just for the sake of enjoyment. On this date, we did what we do best: strategize ways to prioritize fun in the future. For example, we love working out, and we used to do TRX on Saturday mornings but the ritual faded when our favorite teacher switched studios. We recommited to joint workouts, and also decided to try hosting more group dinners for our friends. It was exciting to discuss bigger plans, too, like taking a trip to Sri Lanka.A]n instant hit... If you've been married forever and think this book isn't for you, (dates ), think again." --Oprah.com If you want to deepen your connection with your partner, share this list with them. It can be a fun journey to embark on, and one that you won’t regret. Readers who are interested in protecting and enhancing their marriage and partnership would likely enjoy Eight Dates. Who would not enjoy this book?

The importance of playing and adventuring together and the role of phenylethylamine (PEA) in creating a natural high I'm sure there are a lot of similar books around, and while I can'tThe Meaning and Purpose Date: This date is focused on exploring and understanding each other’s sense of purpose and meaning in life, and how this aligns with the relationship. The goal of this date is to help couples understand and align their sense of purpose and meaning in life with the relationship. This may involve discussing each partner’s values, goals, and aspirations, and exploring the ways in which the relationship supports and enhances each partner’s sense of purpose and meaning in life. This date is designed to help couples build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship by understanding and aligning their sense of purpose and meaning in life with the relationship. Navigating the challenges of long-term commitment takes effort—and it just got simpler, with this empowering, step-by-step guide to communicating about the things that matter most to you and your partner. Drawing on forty years of research from their world-famous Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman invite couples on eight fun, easy, and profoundly rewarding dates, each one focused on a make-or-break trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Love is an action even more than a feeling. It requires intention and attention, a practice we call attunement.” This program of eight lively, conversation-based dates will result in a lifetime of understanding and commitment, whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.