The Best Ever Book of Dutch Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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Wat is een dinosaurus als hij door de Keukenhof loopt? Een Tulpenstomper (What’s a dinosaur walking through the Keukenhof? A Tulip Crusher.) Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. Cringe-worthy (but amusing) puns Wat is het nationale gerecht van Nederland? Bami met kaas (What’s the national dish of the Netherlands? Bami with cheese) A Belgian lights a match and blows it right out again. “So”, he thinks, “I’ll keep this one, because this one works.”) Maf is Dutch for crazy. It’s a more old-fashioned version of gek. And the ketel is a kettle. When someone is acting strangely, he’s a mafketel.

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. If I was an Olympic athlete, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal. You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first! You’re the number one loser! No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry SeinfeldHoe heet de Snolse kampioen hinkelen op één been? Eno. (What’s the name of the Snolsian (made up place) one-legged hopping champion? Eno.) A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did. f**... under the bed sheets is no longer called a dutch oven. It's now called a covid test. If you can smell it you don't have covid.

Why did the Dutch baker always have a smile? Because he kneaded the dough with a “dough-tch” of happiness. However, if you’re willing to take the initiative to socialize with Dutch people, you’ll often find them receptive. This is especially true if you learn Dutch to a good standard. One good way to meet Dutch people is by sharing common interests and joining clubs. Dutch people enjoy being active, so it could be a good idea to join a club for sports, yoga, cooking, or any other activity you enjoy. Relationships in the NetherlandsWhat's the difference between a funny Dutch man and a tube? one is a hollow cylinder while the other is a silly hollander. The freedom of speech is used here. This can be seen in the Zwarte Piet Discussion as well. It’s tradition, part of Dutch culture, to make jokes about others. And they can be quite harsh. But it’s not meant like that, it’s a joke. It’s for laughing. Meaning: Similar to the English expression ‘It’s all Greek to me’; indicating that you can’t understand something. 30. What have I got hanging on my bike now? And not only so that you have something to say during a night out. Also because jokes and humour show how a certain culture is and tell you how the Dutch look at other cultures and stereotypes.

The Dutch have quite a practical and no-nonsense attitude when it comes to dating and relationships. People of all genders appreciate directness and honesty, so you likely won’t get far playing hard-to-get in the Netherlands. Whereas some cultures uphold stricter beliefs regarding dating etiquette, such as men making the first move, or not kissing on the first date, the Netherlands takes a more relaxed perspective. Instead, Dutch people prefer to let things progress naturally based on what feels right. Meaning: Meaning that you are chatting about nothing of importance or nothing in particular. 29. I can’t make any chocolate from that Most celebrations and traditions in the Netherlands are centered around religious holidays such as Christmas and Easter. One of the most popular festivities in the Netherlands is Sinterklaas, a holiday that takes place on 5 December. Although traditionally a children’s holiday, adults also celebrate Sinterklaas by exchanging gifts and writing a humorous poem about the gift’s recipient.It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf. and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone.” – Lee Evans I’ve found countless examples of amusing expressions, insults and, vocabulary oftentimes with equally funny or interesting origins. I do love a bit of etymology so I’ve included some of them where known. Fish are part of numerous Dutch idioms. For example, it is also not unusual to say someone is ‘as healthy as a fish’ ( zo gezond als een vis). The herring, in particular is a traditional food and herring season is an annual event. 26. To have something under the knee